In fact, sex therapists report that a sexual desire gap is the number one sexual problem brought to their offices. Your negative feelings or apathy may have more to do with the chase than sex itself. You need to start to figure out the steps you ought to take to feel more passion and desire. Don't resign yourself to passionless lovemaking or a relationship void of true intimacy. If this is uncomfortable for you, consider reading an "improve your sex life" self-help book together at night. The next post will offer tips for the spouse yearning for more physical closeness.
You'll probably surprise yourself. If you are one of those people, you need to do something to change the way you feel about your body. Pat Love, coauthor of Hot Monogamy, suggests that it is frequently the case that people with low sexual desire never experience earth-shattering sexual urges as do their more sexually-oriented partners. Care about your spouse's feelings Although you have had very valid reasons for not being in the mood, I hope it's clear by now that your spouse has probably felt hurt and rejected because of it. If you have gotten out of shape and aren't fit, it's time to start eating better and exercising. If this is uncomfortable for you, consider reading an "improve your sex life" self-help book together at night. If the process of talking things out seems daunting, see a certified sex therapist. Perhaps it's the seesaw phenomenon at work; the more one person does of something, the less the other person does. Read a good book. Look for the small flutters Dr. Cut back or eliminate alcohol and tobacco. In fact, it's entirely possible that the cat and mouse dynamic in your relationship has dampened your desire, even fooled you into thinking you don't like sex anymore. There it is, all you really have to do is to tip over the first domino. Spend time with friends. Give it some time. Improve your self-esteem and outlook on life If personal issues are preventing you from feeling good about yourself and your life, it's time to give yourself a boost. The first is your relationship with your spouse. I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard a person say, "I really wasn't in the mood at all at first, but once we got into it, I enjoyed myself. You have to stop thinking you can have a great relationship without satisfying sex unless your partner wholeheartedly agrees. Talk openly about your preferences As you begin to figure out what you like and don't like, you have to commit to discussing it openly and specifically with your spouse. I know it is really difficult for a man to admit he is worried about low sexual desire and even more difficult to ask for help in this area. And here's a little secret. It is estimated that one out of every three couples has a sexual desire gap. Really think about it. Evaluate whether side effects from medications or medical conditions are a factor in your situation. Discuss whether herbal remedies or dietary changes may be helpful.
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